As it turns out, I hate bra shopping in Paris more than in the U.S. Who knew?

I went to a few of the big stores on Rue de Rivoli not far from the Louvre. This is where the much-touted H&M is, as well as a giant Etam, C&A, and other stores that are flocked to by school girls and working women alike. I really need a new soutien-gorge, especially since I’ve lost some weight.

I found only two kinds of bras: the adorable and carrément jolie bras for women with A and B cups, then what I call the “Divide and Conquer” bras for bigger chicks like me. The D&C bras are incredibly ugly, cleavage-depriving shoulder grabbers that literally pry apart the tits of a well-endowed woman and purposely destroy the cleavage by compartmentalizing them. It’s like, the better cleavage you would have, the less likely there will be a bra in your size that will give it to you.

As you can imagine, I was pissed. I went to five different department stores and didn’t find a single bra in my size, let alone something that wasn’t a D&C bra. I tried a slightly smaller bra, and that worked pas du tout. I’ve considered ordering bras online, but I really don’t like doing that. However, I might have to.

Putain.

On the bright side, we discovered that Bell, Book and Candle — one of my favorite films of all time — is playing on the big screen here. We’re going to try to see it some time this week. I’m so excited! This was my defining movie before I’d even seen it. (Um, if that makes any sense.) The Frenchman is going to love it, I know.

Some research this morning, then I have a city to love this afternoon, bra or no.