I dreamed last night that The Frenchman came to me and wanted to serve me — not as a boyfriend or lover, just as a submissive, although he certainly acted like the former. He proudly presented to me this really obnoxious gift: a “bondage” outfit that was just a gigantic buckskin skirt with a very long, bushy fox tail tacked to the back. I couldn’t believe how tacky it was. (And the furry fetish wasn’t lost on me.) He’d forgotten to take off the price tag. It was $800!

I held it up to myself and said, “Oh, gee, it’s much too big for me. You’ll have to return it.”

He looked a bit crestfallen, his great gift rejected. But then I smiled with mischief and said, “You know what I really want?” His eyes widened and he shook his head. “An iPad,” I said.

Hey. Dipshit bought me an $800 buckskin thing with a furry fetish attachment. (EW!) He could totally take that back and get his mistress something useful.

Just sayin’.

(For those who don’t know, The Frenchman is an old boyfriend with whom I moved to France for a year and enjoyed great adventures. I don’t miss him. But I do miss France.)

And for those who are into fox cosplay, this tail was made by Kilcodo Costumes. You can buy it on Etsy, mais bien sur!