Drag Me to the Exit: Suck It, Raimi

Saw DRAG ME TO HELL last night at a press screening with the Hedgebeast. What a miserable disappointment. Yes, it had some funny moments and some fun gross-out moments, but overall it was abysmally stupid.

First, hello, Mr. Raimi, but the lamia is a well-established creature of myth. Why call your creature a “lamia” when it isn’t one at all? Why not call it a golem? Or a ghost? Or a cheeseburger? Because all three of these things have as much in common with a “lamia” as your creature does. And what’s wrong with creating your own mythology? Make up a new name, a new monster. What, are you afraid of being original? Afraid no one will understand?

Oh, I know. It’s because you think people are stupid, as evidenced by this film. Gotcha. Maybe you’re right on that. But you seem to have credited many of your past audiences with a lot more intelligence. And I appreciated it.

Second, I just love the message of this movie. Two people are up for promotion to the same job: one’s a well-qualified woman and the other a poorly qualified man. Yet, the boss seems just as likely to give the promotion to the jackass guy who doesn’t even know how to do his job. Okay, fair enough. That happens in life. But to then punish the woman because she decides to make a responsible business decision for the financial institution that she works for is just insulting. Ladies, don’t even try to be ambitious or think like “a man,” or else you will go to Hell, go straight to Hell, do not pass Go, do not collect your raise, your better desk, or any respect whatsoever.

Third…I won’t even go into the stereotypes and story holes. Not worth it.

Anyway, how could a man who’s created so many wonderful films stoop so low?

I’m weary of stupid horror movies. I’m just going to tell people from now on that I love horror but hate horror movies. Because you know why? They mostly suck. When they’re good, they’re amazing, but 99% of them are trash.

I’m done.

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